recovery

My sadness over the system

~ katcopley ~ Leave a comment

Just enjoying a therapeutic chat with a good friend and talking about my sadness that society and the health system we have today cannot accept that some people will never recover from long term mental illness.

Why do we have such a problem with this?

It basically means that the most vulnerable in society who need constant care for their mental health illnesses don’t get this due to a recovery model which seems most worried about patients developing any sort of therapeutic relationship with mental health staff than actually providing a safe space and the consistent care people need.

We can all find examples of physical health conditions which rightly require care for the entirety of someone’s life and this is often provided with the care and compassion that they deserve. It is also fair to say that some people do fully recover from some mental illnesses and that is great and this is not a criticism of them but just as with physical illness, everyone is different.

What I struggle to understand is why the way that physical illnesses are viewed is so different to mental illness?

This whole conversation with my lovely friend was sparked when we came across a lady in her 60’s who was obviously extremely mentally unwell. It was very upsetting to see and it was obvious that this lady needed full time mental health care. I don’t think there is anything wrong with saying that but I am absolutely certain that she wouldn’t have fitted in to a mental health shaped care box that was probably made available to her.

After nearly 30 years of mental health treatment I now do not tolerate any care professional or acquaintance trying to suggest ways that I might fully recover. I often say do you think I deserve treatment for a finite amount of time? Have I used up all my care tokens or will you not want anything to do with me if I don’t get fully better? For me that is how it seems and I make it clear to those that are involved in my care that after all these years I haven’t got the headspace to deal with the criticism and discrimination and shouldn’t have to.

I am one of the fortunate ones who have a support network around me who accept my illness for what it is. When chatting with my friend earlier she said that people often say to her when hearing I am having an episode, ‘what brought that on’ or ‘did something trigger this’. She always responds – that is what her head does, that is the illness. I am so grateful for this and just wish it was the norm and especially for those without the support that I have.

Recently, whilst having a telephone consultation with a community mental health nurse being assessed back in the system after 5 years I made this very clear. I know what I need, I know what helps me, what I won’t put up with and what are serious red flags. If I decline certain support (the most recent being group therapy to manage emotions!) then this doesn’t mean I am refusing help but that I know this wouldn’t work for me and that when you fight on your own without proper mental health support it would be silly to accept help that could exacerbate symptoms. I am now less than a month away from my first psychiatrist appointment in 6 years which seems bonkers for someone on the severe mental health register and also with a diagnosis of bipolar but I do feel this time that I am in control and unlike that lady I saw today able to advocate for what works for me.

Oh and finally, this opinion does not mean I wouldn’t love to be fully better. Of course I would but I am a realist and I am not going to add to my distress by guilt tripping myself over being unwell for longer than a set amount of time that society deems is acceptable!

So please think about how you respond to people who have a long term mental health illness. It can happen to anyone and we are a group of people where the care available is totally unfit for purpose at the moment.

Haven’t blogged for ages … This is why!…..#uberbusy

~ katcopley ~ Leave a comment

I haven’t blogged for absolutely ages but I have had the most amazing month! Firstly I am well! Really well – no depression, no hypomania just steady … calm and well! Not only that I have coped with being ridiculously busy, quite a bit of stress (good stress!) and the odd panic attack in a way that I haven’t coped before.
As some of you may know I am a Christian and very involved with my local Church. I first went along when I was not even a year old and 34 years later it still plays a huge and wonderful part in my life. I am now an Elder and run the Messy Church with my sister in law amongst other things. I was married in the Church 5 years ago which was the happiest day of my life and the church has journeyed with me and supported me during every stage of my life and especially through my bipolar diagnosis and traumatic life events. This amazing fellowship and congregation of inspirational, devoted friends has just celebrated its 75th anniversary and boy have we celebrated! It has been wonderful to remember the laughter, some tears and worship that has taken place within the Church and been lovely to celebrate with the local community and members past and present. As the Church looks forward to the next 25 years or even 75 years I am also able to look forward knowing that I have the most amazing support network in place starting with my husband, family and friends and am so lucky to have the Church as a constant support as they also learn more about mental illness and as the stigma and barriers surrounding his sometimes difficult topic are broken down by friendship, fellowship and prayer.
Last weekend after the Church’s celebrations were over I joined with 47 others to celebrate the 50th Wedding Anniversary of a very special couple. Carole and Mike welcomed me into their home, family and friendship groups nearly 15 years ago after Carole was my tutor at college when I returned to re-take my a’levels at the age of 19. This followed my first hospital admission and I was so unwell. After supporting me at college Carole and I became friends and she has been there through so many difficult times and spent many hours in accident and emergency and psychiatric hospitals with me as well as providing me with somewhere to live at times. As I have slowly journeyed through recovery and got better at managing my episodes Carole has been there and helped me learn so much about myself and my illness and had been a major player in helping me get to where I am today. Last weekend 48 of us celebrated at Butlins and I am immensely proud of Carole and Mike, and their love for each other and for their family and friends is an inspiration.
The message from this blog for me is a reminder of the wonderful support I have, the people I have rooting for me and the fact that at the moment I am doing well and that taking a day at a time is the way forward for me. I am well at the moment and yes I am terrified of getting ill but I need to live in the now and I am going to try so hard to do this.
Massive thanks to all my family, friends and Church fellowship – love you all.

Keeping busy but not too busy! #recovery

~ katcopley ~ Leave a comment

I haven’t blogged for a while mainly because I have been mega busy! I am really enjoying being well however at the back of my mind is a nagging worry that won’t go away. I am worried about getting ill again and that this exceptionally busy period that I am having at the moment ( which I hasten to add is very enjoyable) might prove to be a trigger. I find myself regularly checking for symptoms and lying awake thinking about my day and whether there are any signs that I am going downhill that I missed.
Thank goodness that apart from being tired which isn’t out of the ordinary I am definitely not feeling depressed or even low, I am not overly anxious and have no hypomanic symptoms.
Due to the fact that I have this constant nagging worry & the fact that looking after myself is so important I have come up with a few things that I am going to do everyday. I am hoping that these things will lessen the worry and reassure myself that I am doing ok. My list so far is:

-Letting myself have a short ‘Worry’ time each day and then try to leave my worries for the rest of the day.
-Have at least half an hour (hopefully more when I am less busy) of ‘me’ time each day where I write a blog, read or watch TV.
-Have regular breaks at work and make sure I eat 3 times a day
-Talk to family and friends and listen to them if they think I am overtired or if they have any concerns
-Remind myself of my WRAP regularly but without obsessing about possible symptoms

I have come such a long way over the past month or so and I am hoping that this will continue for the foreseeable future but I also don’t want to be dragged down everyday that I am feeling well by worrying about getting ill.