2 weeks – can’t even think that far ahead

So today after a hugely difficult week culminating in a ridiculously tough 24 hours I finally heard from the community mental health team. I only heard from them today due to the fact that my amazing GP surgery chased them directly again, a month after the referral which was marked as urgent.

The CMHT called me and let me know that they could give me an appointment but the next available appointment is not until Friday 27th March – 2 weeks from now.  Once again they didn’t ask me how I was and didn’t even discuss any crisis services even though I know that my GP had contacted them because I was in crisis. 

I feel ungrateful but I can’t even be relieved I have an appointment, I can’t even be thankful that they called because 2 weeks in my current state of mind is an eternity and they have no idea how absolutely awful it has been and continues to be. If my GP hadn’t called them today I doubt I would of been given the appointment on the 27th March and I can’t help think what might have happened if I had been seen 2 weeks after the referral. 

For now I am doing an hour at a time. This morning I struggled to get out of bed, I grabbed a pair of jeans as work attire and clothing decisions were completely out the question. I only made it to work for 2 hours. The anxiety made me physically sick, my eyes were playing tricks with me and the depression physically hurt me, every bone in my body ached and I just wanted to stay in bed. The guilt and sense of failure at having to leave work after 2 hours was huge but I had battled for over a month with not one day off sick and I just couldn’t do it today.  I am hoping that a weekend of rest might help a bit. 

So an appointment and so called help is far too late and so far in the future that it isn’t worth thinking about.  My focus at the moment is the next hour and hoping for some rest.  I am lucky as have enormous support from family and friends – what about those people who have no one and where the system is failing them too? 

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3 thoughts on “2 weeks – can’t even think that far ahead

  1. Living one hour at a time is a great strategy. Anxiety and depression can have a really negative impact on one’s life–and that’s an understatement. But every time you fight against it, you are winning. Wishing you all the best for the next hour–and the hours after that! 🙂

  2. Reblogged this on A Frayed Mind and commented:
    This is just one insight into the shortcomings of the CMHT within certain NHS Trusts/regional areas. As far as the National Health Service goes, the standard of care isn’t nationally consistent and that somewhat demonstrates the necessity of assessment of the quality of care provided by CMHT within each Trust, based regionally and not nationally.

    I’ve been mostly lucky with my experience but there are hundreds of dissatisfied bloggers who do not feel as though their treatment has been handled, coordinated or delivered adaquetly which is down to many factors including the regional strain upon the mental health services, poor training, doctor shortages and perhaps controversially budget cuts or underfunding.

  3. I am really sorry to hear about your difficulties. Hopefully your appointment with CMHT will be helpful in terms of an assessment for crisis team intervention and future psychiatric care. As my family and I found, you often have to put your foot down and assert your needs.

    The biggest two problems are the funding issues – as you are most likely aware, the NHS is under strain at the moment and we can only expect further decline and failings in quality of care in all areas (including mental health); and the next issue is the actual referral process itself. Any company, team or organisation is only as strong as it’s weakest link and unfortunately, that weakest link in the NHS (specifically in the mental health and general practice areas) is the staff that handle the referrals – receptionists, administrators and secretaries, of whom don’t fully understand psychiatric care.

    My view may be controversial but it’s based on the extremely judgemental reception staff at both my GP Surgery and local CMHT, who don’t care about complaining about patients in front of other patients and don’t care much for the importance of crisis care in acute mental health relapse and/or crisis. It’s also backed by what I interpret the views of others are, which I’ve witnessed via social media and patient feedback surveys.

    None of this information may be useful to you. However, I want you to know that you are definitely not alone in your battles and that there are many others who can empathise with you. You’re not in the wrong for expecting more. Hope all is sorted for you in the end.

    Michael (RB) x

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