So after a long break from Twitter and from my blog I am back!
There are lots of reasons why I decided to have a break but I think I made the right decision and I am proud of myself for making a few changes (both on and off line) that I hope will keep me well for longer and also help me to see the positives that I am experiencing as well.
Twitter is an amazing source of support, however I got a bit worried a month or so ago that it might of been fuelling my paranoia. I don’t for one minute think that it was the sole cause but it was something that I was aware of and therefore that I could quite easily do something about. Other aspects of my paranoia aren’t always so easy to sort.
I also found myself getting quite upset about stigma on Twitter. I started to take personally stigmatising comments and at times became anxious when I read certain tweets. This wasn’t healthy and so therefore a break enabled me to realise that I couldn’t solve the problem myself and eradicate mental health stigma. It also helped me to realise that I can do just as much in my life at Church, at work and within my own circle of friends and family to start changing the way people view mental health without challenging every reference on Twitter.
I have also been incredibly busy (with very positive things) and I am slowly getting used to the fact that I am not 100% well but that is ok (ish). I have started swimming and eating much more healthily which is also having a positive impact on my life. I am still having the occasional day when I resent being ‘not quite well’ – where the anxiety prevents me from doing what I really want to do or the sleepness nights trigger a negative spiral of thoughts and I feel that I am going to become very unwell and therefore walk on eggshells for the next few days.
I am pretty realistic about the fact that I will be unwell again in the future but the period since my last serious depressive episode has been different. I am acknowledging my vulnerability but staying more positive than before. I am coping and whilst some days are better than others I am moving in the right direction.
Thanks for sticking with me!