This may seem ridiculous but I am completely at a loss about how to improve the evenings. This recovery has been very tough – I am frustrated and I know possibly also impatient but the evenings and nights are so hard. I can have a fairly positive day – without any signs of depression. I may get pangs of anxiety during the day but all in all I am pleased with the progress I have made. I then return home or even at the weekends start to settle in for the evening (although I can feel unwell in the evenings even if I am out and not at home) and quite quickly the anxiety sets in and I start to experience waves of depression and even desperation when it is at it’s worse.
I have tried everything – I have rested, tried to read, tried to keep busy or find distractions. I have had baths, practiced mindfulness but nothing seems to work for long or at all and the evenings and nights that follow really bring me down and I am using all the positivity I can muster to keep focused and reminding myself how far I have come. What really frightens me is the speed in which I experience these symptoms. Literally just minutes can pass and that really undermines my confidence and scares me so much.
The nights have also been bad and I had been struggling to get to sleep much before 2am and waking 2 or 3 times in a complete panic and then really only dozing before waking again. This was frustrating during the holidays but I could at least doze in till lunchtime if I needed to but I couldn’t let this continue when I returned to work so I started taking sleeping tablets from Saturday night. I have had 2 better nights sleep but still woke each night once and was fairly distressed. I have at least ensured I am getting 6 hours sleep a night which is vital to sustain my recovery – I am walking a tightrope that seems to be getting thinner.
I have an appointment on 22nd January with my care coordinator which is not ideal but going to ring GP tomorrow as I need to ensure I can talk this through with a professional – I hate feeling isolated on top of everything else.