A good appointment that in the end was more frustrating than helpful

I today went to my monthly appointment with my care coordinator who had kindly and sensibly invited along my therapist who I know very well and who I finished sessions with last May. I was incredible anxious when I got there partly because having monthly appointments is generally making me anxious as they are so far apart and also because this particular episode is a very anxious one.
In a way I found it weird with 2 people there but my therapist took the lead and both of them seemed to be concerned about how I was at present. I was asked how I was using my therapy strategies and how I thought I was recognising my triggers and early warning signs. To be honest I think that as far as is possible I use as many strategies as best I can but I explained that when I become unwell my focus is staying safe not whether I have practiced mindfulness as that goes out the window with me during these times.
My therapist then focused on the letter which she wrote to me after therapy in May. It focused on the main areas we had worked on and the strategies which we had used to help with certain symptoms.
These ranged from work on self esteem, self harm, self care, dealing with anxiety and using mindfulness to name just a few. I was so touched that my therapist really recognised the huge effort I have put into working on strategies since therapy and yes that spurs me on but I also felt angry that I am doing what I can but actually feel so isolated because I am doing it all on my own with no support from the system. Not only am I doing it all on my own but my family and friends are caring for me on their own with no support.
I left the appointment very grateful for the chance to talk to someone about how I really felt, gain reassurance that I am doing all I can and having the opportunity to ask a couple of questions about strategies for coping with psychotic symptoms. However I also left the appointment upset as it highlighted that this sort of intervention could really help me but I know it isn’t on offer. I also don’t want to become reliant on support when it will be taken away next month again.
I just have the same unanswered question ‘ surely consistency, individualised support and support that relates to need is better than slow, inconsistent crisis care that often comes too late and disjointed in its approach’?


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