Saw my GP today and she suggested that a referral back to the CMHT would be a good idea. I am not sure what to make of this – in one way I know I need more support however this referral is no guarantee of getting any.
I can’t really describe how I am feeling but what I do know is that I feel like my head is currently unable to counteract any of the negative thoughts that I have battled so hard to overcome.
I am trying to stay positive even though I feel quite a failure for having to agree to the referral. I am not terribly depressed but worried that I am heading that way and so today was probably something I needed to do sooner rather than later.
I have though decided that I cannot place all my hope in the system. I know how it works. I might not get a assessment for weeks and then there is a chance they may refer me straight back to the GP. I also realise that by continuing to function, work, keep busy it will be even harder to explain how I really feel and that communicating is probably an important key to getting the right kind of support.
I also need to remember to keep communicating with the people around me – that includes my GP as she has said she will be in touch especially whilst I am waiting for the CMHT to call.
I realise that the faster care access option is accident and emergency but that is completely out of the question for me and whilst this may seem the wrong decision to some people I have to keep some element of control as my head certainly isn’t helping me to feel in control at all.
I am hoping that even though I can’t write exactly what is happening inside my head I know and can hold onto the fact that lots of people care and I am so grateful for that – it is keeping me going.