I am well! A great place to be and what is even more wonderful is that I have been very well since Christmas. I have coped amazingly well during the early winter months of this year and seem to really feel in tune with myself.

I have had wonderful support and when I have experienced mild anxiety I have been able to use strategies well and not been as phased by set backs as sometimes in the past. Earlier this month I saw my GP and for the first time in years she didn’t make me a follow up appointment but instead let me decide when to make another one. 

This past week or so has though been a reminder of how fragile I am and how difficult it can be to cope with things out of the ordinary. Over the last week an inquest has taken place of a dear friend who took her own life nearly 4 years ago. After such a long time it has been very difficult and a poignant reminder of how serious mental illness is, how unsatisfactory some of our mental health services are and most importantly how wonderful my friends and family are in helping to care for me when I am unwell. It has also reminded me of how instrumental unpaid carers are in the lives of those with mental health illnesses and of course it has brought back to me the lowest times of my life and the times when life was certainly not worth living.

As you can imagine this has left me feeling somewhat fragile and so when I received an email 3 days ago informing me that I needed to reapply for my job I was thrown into a deeper state of anxiety and had to throw every ounce of strength I had into staying positive, supporting my team and ensuring I followed whatever process necessary to apply for the right job in the new structure. This I know is common place in many jobs nowadays but difficult all the same and when restructures happen on a large scale it is difficult to have a personal approach so it often seems very corporate and scary.  I think I am ok and have a job to apply for and hope that the opportunity to outline my skills and experience will prove positive and add to raising my self esteem. 

Although not always easy this last 2 weeks has shown me how far I have come, the importance of my life and even though I had a complete wobble this evening and couldn’t be bothered with trying to be sensible as was just totally exhausted I can still see the light that has been present for the last few months. 

Thanks to all those people who stand with me through the struggles and to all those who support the many others in their struggles.