Since I started my Christmas leave I have tried to ‘rest’ as I really need to but as usual I have not really achieved this ideal! The biggest factor in not being able to achieve this has been the fear of stopping and letting any negative thoughts creep in. I also find that in the evenings, when resting would be sensible after a busy day, this is the time the depression can set in so therefore I try and keep going. Why do I do this? Probably because I have always thought and experienced that keeping going can minimise the effects of depression – it seems silly to get into bed and be alone with my thoughts.
I sometimes try and read to relax but it isn’t easy to concentrate at the moment although I can now read a chapter at a time so that is progress.
At other times I practice mindfulness – again this is impossible when I am really unwell but recently my daily making a mindful cup of tea has been present in my daily routine.
I would love to know what I can do to improve my periods of relaxation without leaving myself feeling vulnerable to anxiety and depression in what is proving to be a difficult and worrying recovery.
Sometimes I even find myself getting so upset because I am so exhausted but also terrified to stop – this isn’t sensible and one of my New Years resolutions needs to be trying to deal with this issue.