I am pretty frustrated:
Fed up with feeling unwell & battling with the bipolar. I am probably doing too much at work however working flexible hours was becoming untenable and the workload being experienced by everyone at the moment can’t fit in to a full time role let alone one with fewer hours. There is no slack in the system to allow for people to have time off and not feel worse when they come back and whilst I get amazing personal support and some reasonable adjustments, I don’t think anyone can do anything about workload and to be honest I understand that. Therefore working full time is probably the less risky and less stressful option.
I am seeing my GP tomorrow and this is frustrating me in some ways as well. I am so glad I am seeing someone as I am really suffering from not having professional support however I know that my GP won’t be able to offer me what I really need but also 10 mins isn’t long enough to put a plan in place about where to go from here.
I am also frustrated as I feel I am battling with or against some people. During the last few weeks I have been really stretched at work, been told to ‘behave myself’ by someone supposed to be in a caring role and obviously the Mental Health system has also been very unhelpful at a time when I am so vulnerable.
One thing I am trying to do is to look at the positives which isn’t something I find very easy but if I look back to this time 2 weeks ago or 1 week ago I can see small improvements. These improvements give me a boost for a while but the symptoms that I am still experiencing often override the positives and therefore I keep thinking I am going back to square one.
Thankfully I have people around me to keep me going, offer reassurance and help me see the positives.
This is though a massive struggle and the darkness is pretty overwhelming at times.