The last few weeks have been anything but easy. October is a very difficult month for me and holds so many difficult memories and anniversaries. I went away at the beginning of the month and had a wonderful holiday with my husband however I was already suffering from quite bad anxiety which was then exacerbated when I returned to work which at the moment is anything but enjoyable.
I went to see my GP and was prescribed beta blockers to help the symptoms of the anxiety and by using promethazine and other PRN medication along with the beta blockers the anxiety has improved a lot. I am though very fragile and have also had a couple of very low days which have been frightening as I am so scared of becoming depressed.
Twitter as ever has been a wonderful source of support and I have been touched by the mutual support that so many of us experience however I have also been shocked by the standard of crisis care that is sometimes on offer. Whilst I realise crisis care is not easy I cannot fathom why enough phone operators and qualified staff are not available 24 hours a day to support those in crisis. I have lost count of how many people have posted status’ of crisis lines being engaged, calls not being returned, calls not being answered etc… Often when the calls are answered the platitudes given would be laughable if the situation wasn’t so serious. This coupled with accident and emergency departments being the first point of call for many in distress it really is a pretty shocking state of affairs.
So as I continue to take a day at a time I am grateful for the wonderful support of my husband, family and friends who in their own ways offer me stability, reassurance, safety, a listening ear and many other things so that I can stay supported in my home without having to access what could probably be chaotic and inappropriate support.
I am hoping that I can fight the anxiety and difficulties that I am currently experiencing and not go backwards but keep progressing forwards.
Thinking of all those struggling at present.