After one of the hardest weeks I have had this year I thought I should blog as hopefully it might help to get things down and I haven’t blogged for ages! Last weekend I was struggling but trying to stay positive and I had got my sleeping into a sort of routine again. I had a fairly positive weekend – caught up with friends, went to Church – the depression was coming and going and my anxiety was also still causing problems. Whilst in Church I realised that music was slightly distorted and that I occasionally heard sounds that others didn’t.
On Sunday night I hardly slept at all and probably going into work at all on Monday was not a great idea. The depression was so bad it felt physically painful and my head was full of so many negative and painful thoughts that I couldn’t focus on anything.
I was only working till 3pm instead of 5pm as it is one of my reasonable adjustments when I am not well but work is also very stressful at the moment and so I knew I needed to take a break. I felt as though I couldn’t work out what was real and what wasn’t.
I am only under my GP who is brilliant and I knew that I couldn’t face A and E so therefore I put all my strategies into place and had 2 days off work which is very unusual for me. It did though mean that I could take PRN medication at night at slightly higher doses than normal without worrying about being dozy in the daytime. I did worry about being on my own during the day but I saw people and friends and family kept in touch.
I spoke to my doctor who then agreed that getting back into a routine might help so I went back on Thursday slightly more rested but with a fit note to work till 1pm until I finish for Christmas.
It has been a very dark week, one where I have wanted it all to end on many occasions but there is a bit more hope this weekend and I have shown that I am coping better with such severe symptoms and also made the right decisions as far as my care was concerned.
I am massively grateful to those who have sticked by me this week – hoping I can look forward to Christmas and a well needed rest.