So today was the day I went back to work after Christmas – not just after a 2 week Christmas break but also after a depressive episode and one which meant I hadn’t worked full time since early November.
Work has been massively stressful due to many different issues and I can actually say that very slowly some of the difficult situations are getting resolved and today I enjoyed some aspects of my day. I can’t remember the last time I could say that I enjoyed part of a day at work. These stressful circumstances only helped to exacerbate the depression I had sunk into.
It had been hard over the last couple of days – it certainly wasn’t completely plain sailing – I experienced awful anxiety the night before and my sleep was affected by this. I also had nightmares and the snippets of depression that were still occurring came slightly more regularly and were more intense.
I struggled to get up this morning but I did it and decided that the only way I was going to get through the day was by taking an hour at a time and by continually telling myself that I was ok at my job.
I suppose that today wasn’t very taxing – not many staff were around as they were involved in training, email traffic wasn’t sky high …. however it was a good introduction and most importantly gave me back some confidence and a boost and proved that I was getting back on top.
I suppose that over Christmas I had started to get well again but I knew that today would be the deciding factor to see how far I had come and I think I did ok!
I realise that it won’t be plain sailing and that it will be a bumpy return to where I was say in the summer – but I have turned the corner and I am so grateful to all who have helped and supported me.